The Last Pillar

In all my life, you were the biggest disappointment. You were my biggest fall. At the point where I only had one pillar left, the truth set me free, and your pillar came down fast and hard. I was free falling into the lowest point with nothing more than raw emotion and a will to survive, fed by every single negative emotion available, built a new stronger platform, and rose to new heights. Anger, fear, disgust, contempt, rage, hate, abhorrence. This shook me to the point of reconsidering everything I knew to be true questioning my life entirely. I clearly remember my gullible, naive, and innocent mind taking in the crude reality.

 Knowledge is not power. Secrets are a weapon. You had the power over me. A veil of truth, lifted, revealing the true nature of your actions and life. My fragile mind went into shock, crashed, and rebooted like a computer, erasing years of data I believed to be true. For years I lived in my hatred, letting it fuel my actions and shape my life. I learned to motivate and build using one set of emotions. It was effective and efficient; the kind of experience that shapes your future, pushing through and muscling my way into what I am today.

What I learned was that any emotion can be used to drive your actions; hate is just so much more effective, but in the long run, and out of context, it becomes self-destructive. I discovered that you actually helped me rebuild my life and reshape my systems to be strong and unshakable. My foundation was taking form and I had to fill it with other emotions for me to utilize my framework to its fullest.

I now thank you, for I understand your actions and motivations. You followed your instincts regardless of who was in the way. I respect that. You broke the mold and for once, was selfish, took care of yourself and your needs. I understand that. You gave me the opportunity to create my own life and break out of my mold. I thank you for that. You were my age now when this happened. You had the courage to reshape your future before or was too late. I admire that.

Thank you for being selfish. I forgive you.